Have You Ever...?
GONE SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN?
Only when I was very young. Now, I'd refuse to.

GONE FOR A WALK OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS WITH NO TRAIL?
Nope.

GOTTEN REALLY REALLY DRUNK?
Nope. Drunk, yes.

BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT?
Nope.

FALLEN IN LOVE?
Yeah. I am right now.

WISHED ON AN EYELASH?
Nope.

DRESSED UP FOR HALLOWEEN?
Haha yeah... Oh, the day I dressed up as a lawyer... It was pretty damn fun.

BEEN IN A FIGHT?
Only with my brother's. But even then, it wasn't exactly violent.

GONE SNOWBOARDING?
Nope. I wouldn't mind going skiing though. That'd be pretty cool.

TAKEN A BOOGIE BOARD DOWN A RIVER?
Nope.

HAD A JOB YOU LIKED?
I've never had a job... Yet.

BEEN FIRED FROM A JOB?
Look above.

TAKEN A SHOWER WITH SOMEONE?
Nope.

EXPIERIENCED A GHOST?
Nope.

BEEN TOTALLY AND UTTERLY HAPPY?
Yeah.

Do You...?
SHOWER EVERYDAY?
I don't shower... I bathe.

LISTEN TO MUSIC A LOT?
Suppose so.

ENJOY SPENDING TIME ALONE?
Yeah. I forgot how much I missed it.

READ ROMANCE NOVELS?
Sometimes.

LIKE BEING OUTSIDE?
Sometimes.

HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS?
Nope. I wouldn't have it any other way.

SING OUT LOUD EVEN WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE AROUND?
Nope. I never sing.

LOVE SOMEONE?
I do.

HAVE A LOT OF STRESS?
Some days.

ENJOY SHOPPING ALONE?
I don't like any kind of shopping. Plus, I do any shopping online.

JUST STARE AT THE NIGHT SKY?
Yeah.

JUST STARE AT THE DAYTIME SKY?
Yeah.

WONDER ABOUT WHATS AFTER DEATH?
I have once or twice.

SLEEP GOOD?
Every now and then.

REMEMBER YOUR DREAMS?
Half the time, yeah.

GET YOUR CLOTHES READY FOR THE NEXT DAY?
Nope. These days, I'm wearing my jammies all day long.

HAVE TO GET UP AND WALK TO YOUR ALARM TO SHUT IT OFF?
No.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE?
Bits of it.

This Or That...
MUSIC OR MOVIES?
Oh god. Erm... I'm not too sure to be honest.

BOOKS OR MAGAZINES?
Books.

CATS OR DOGS?
Cats!! Definitely.

EARLY MORNING OR EARLY EVENING?
Early morning.

SKATEBOARD OR SNOWBOARD?
Either.

CARS OR TRUCKS?
Cars.

WHITE OR BLACK?
White.

FANTASY OR REALITY?
Reality.

TRAIN OR PLANE?
Neither. They both make me nervous.

BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKYDIVING?
Neither.

TATTOO'S OR PIERCING'S?
Both.

INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?
Inside.

MOUNTAINS OR CITY?
I'm not sure.

WHISKEY OR VODKA?
Vodka. I'm not a massive fan of whiskey, although I will drink it now and again.

Would You...?
WALK DOWN THE STREET ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
Depends what street it is.

GO INTO SPACE?
No.

GO DOWN IN A SUBMARINE?
No.

WANT TO BE FAMOUS?
Nope.

LIKE TRAVELING FOR A LIVING?
Probably not.

GO CAMPING BY YOURSELF?
No.

Jesus, it has been a while.
I think it's because I mainly got stuck into writing in my OD journal instead of this one, and then I completely forgot about this little thing.
Not much has gone on.
Well, actually, a lot has gone on, but I can't be fucked to write about it all at the moment because it was all in the past and blah blah blah.
The only thing that I can be bothered to write about is it being mine and Steve's 6 month anniversary. We'd both agreed at the beginning of our relationship that we weren't going to "celebrate" any month anniversary's or anything like that. I hate that. I don't see the point unless you're married really.
But we did celebrate in a way. Hot sex. And lots of it haha. I'm so tired right now, which is good because I need to sleep well this morning as I'm staying over his tonight.
Okay, slowly falling asleep.
I'm gonna have to go and have a fag before it starts raining again.
Oh for fuck sake! It's already started. Oh well.
Fucking TV keeps cutting out because of the weather. Grr. Cunt.

Steve's still ill. Went and saw him today. It wasn't exactly the most enjoyable visits I've had with him over the past couple of days.
He was snappy. He was laying there watching Rambo and I was picking off little things that were stuck to his t-shirt. He snapped at me and told me to stop it. Not only did it upset me, it pissed me off.
I couldn't put my arm around him, I couldn't stoke his neck, I couldn't get close and I couldn't hug him. I was only round there for an hour at the most. I left and told him to just go to sleep. I'm not seeing him today so we'll see how it goes. I already miss him. I need to have a chat with him about some stuff anyway.

Ergh. I don't even want to update. Fucking joy.

Steve may have glandular fever. He'd been saying that he thought he had a virus for a couple of weeks. I think he looked up his symptoms online and most of the symptoms listed for glandular fever were what he was experiencing. This is the bit that's kind of pissed me off... He went to the doctor and he basically sent him away. All he said was that if it hasn't gotten any better by next week, or it's the same as it is now, he should go back and he'll be given something or I dunno. Why not give him something now?! Jesus christ. Doctor's piss me off. =[
He left earlier than usual last night because he'd started feeling worse than what he did during the day. He'd taken the day off of work yesterday and I spoke to him for a little bit. I wasn't pissed off, just I dunno. He said he probably wouldn't see me. That annoyed me. But then I realised how fucking ridiculous I was being... He's ill for fuck sake. I'm such a wanker.
I feel like I'm the one to blame for him having glandular fever, because I had all those white lumps and most of those symptoms, in December. And I just left it. I didn't bother going to the doctors. It's not that I didn't want to, but my mum and dad didn't seem to give a shit how ill I actually was and I'm too scared to book my own oppointments, so I just suffered. And when I was ill, I saw him. Although we never kissed until I was sure I was feeling better, I still feel like it's my fault because it can last from a few weeks to a couple of months. The only thing I don't get is that if I did have it, why has it taken so long for him to catch it? Well, it wasn't so long ago, but I thought something like that could be caught literally instantly. Ahh, who knows.

I can't be fucked to carry on updating. Going to check the papers for a job, see if there's actually anything suitable for myself as most of the time, there's adverts after adverts looking for teachers and older people blah blah.

Woke up this morning slightly dehydrated. I drank too much last night and I mixed my drinks... Big mistake? Nah. I had a bottle of rose before I left and then I had a few glasses of Baileys and half a bottle of Strongbow. The great thing is that I didn't puke!! I just had a pukey feeling when I got in.

So yeah, I've been meaning to finish off painting the kitchen ceiling for the past week or two and I started it this morning. I got pretty far considering I only had a small brush but I was knackered after a couple of hours. Callum asked me if I wanted to play a bit of golf... Which, y'know, it would mean that I'd get to have a break, so I did. We were using plastic balls so that just incase, we wouldn't cause any damage/break anything. I took my shot... Didn't get too far. Now, this is where the whole day completely fucked up!! I've never played golf before and neither do I have any common sense... Callum stood up to take his go, I stood to the side thinking I'd be safe, he brought up his club, hit the ball and smashed my head/cheek/mouth/nose with the golf club on the swing down... So I lost about half of one of my teeth, the ball to my lip ring, I have a huge lump on the side of my head, a nose bleed and around four cuts on the insides of my lips from where I bit it. Apparently blood was pouring from my mouth, but for some reason I didn't feel any pain at that moment. It got really hot but that was it. Got to quickly finish updating... My battery's low and I have no free plugs to plug in my charger.

So I now have half a tooth and it's really sharp. My mum said I'd have to go to the dentist to get it sorted out but she's said nothing more of my head or lips.

I've been left with my left cheek swollen badly, half of both of my lips are swollen, the lump's gone down a bit but it's still painful and has a big scab on it and when you softly press down on the lump you can feel the fluid, cuts on my lips which are making it painful to drink and eat and half a tooth... Yeah, a shit day!

Not feeling too good right now, but I can't sleep which absolutely sucks because I feel like I need it right now. Ergh.

I'll carry on updating tomorrow, although it all depends on how I'm feeling.


I FUCKING HATE SPORTS!!

Hide them... Steal them from whoever has them, hide them away in my photo album (of which no one has ever seen) and place the photo album back underneath the floorboards in my bedroom.

Digital ones are either saved onto my Mac and are then hidden or, if they're decent/unforgettable moments, they're printed off, and again, hidden in my photo album.

I ended up dropping out of school.
Well, technically, I'm still enrolled there. I need to get all of my subject teachers, head of 6th Form, deputy head of 6th Form, someone from the LRC, my mentor and someone else to sign this sheet of paper. And I also have to write down what I'm going to be doing once I've left school. I can't be bothered to go around to all my subject teachers. I know they're going to have a nice and long conversation with me and ask why I'm dropping out... Oh, the joy. Ah well. If I want to drop out, I've got to get it signed. And I am... Sadly enough. So I'm going in to school tomorrow to start getting it all done. The only good things that's coming out of this is that I can hand this sheet in whenever I want and I'd have finally (and officially) left school. Not that I well and truly want to leave, but it's the only option I have right now. I wouldn't have been able to catch up with all the work I had got behind on, so yeah. Plus, the amount of stress I was putting myself under wasn't helping either. God. It's weird not getting up everyday and going to school. I hate the fact that I'm now just sitting around the house and helping my mum out with cleaning and stuff like that. I don't mind the whole cleaning thing, it's just that I want to get back to having my education. Well, shit happens really, doesn't it?

Yeah, I'm kinda having a low day today. I think it's because I've not been taking notice of my emotions since I've been with Steve. Everytime I see him, I'm always all smiley faced. And yeah, when I do see him, I'm happy to see him. But there's still that little bit at the back of my mind which is telling me that I'm not as happy as what I think I am. Grrr. It annoys me, but oh well. I'm still taking those herbal "happy" pills... Still not working. I really don't know why I'm still taking them if they're having no effect on me. God... What am I doing to myself?!

Bleurgh.
I just don't really know what to do with myself. Grrr.
I need to have a serious chat with Steve sometime soon. I need to tell him my past and shit like that. Not exactly looking forward to it... And the worst thing is that I'm going to be doing it face to face. >.< I've only done that once with one person. I don't know if I can do it again.

I'm going in to school tomorrow.

Well... Bit of an update. There was a lot more but I've forgotten because I'm halfway through a conversation at the moment.

I went round Jodie's tonight. Well, actually, Steve and Rob came and called for me, then we met up with Jodie, Amy, Phil, Rachel, Bob and Kellie-Jo. We all ended up walking back to Jodie's because she needed to take a whizz. Steve and me stood outside Jodie's whilst everyone else took a pee. Emma bumped into us and we stood and spoke to her for a while. Then we all ended up inside Jodie's house and played a variation of Guitar Hero I, II and 80's. Everyone was pissed except Steve, Rob, Rachel and me. Oh, and Phil. God knows how long we were playing Guitar Hero for but we didn't leave until 12.20ish. Jodie had told me earlier on in the night that her and Rob had spoken to Steve about me and him, and that he should make it "official" that we were going out. We were walking home and Steve got onto that subject and I kinda clammed up and went all nervous... But we basically are going out. I mean, we hold hands, lean on each other, say that we love each other in our texts, and yeah... I just sent him a text saying that I would like to go out with him... Just to clear things up. I think I may have confused him more earlier when he was asking me about it all. Wow. I'm actually really excited. For the first time in god knows how bloody long, I've never been this happy!!!!

I haven't been to school for the past three days. Wednesday, I felt like crap so I didn't go in. Thursday, I had an Art trip to London, so I wasn't there for the whole day (obviously), and today I was exhausted from yesterday.
Oh my god. The Art trip yesterday was absolutely amazing. We went to London to go to The National Portrait Gallery and The Tate Modern. I loved every moment of it!! Except for all the walking/running, the underground (not the actual tube, just getting down to the tube), the train on the way there was canceled for some reason and we had to get off at some station, the train back - because we couldn't find a train that went exactly the Herne Bay, so we had to get a train that went to Margate/Ramsgate, then get off that, wait for the train that went to Herne Bay, and get on there. But other than all of that stuff, it was amazing trip. The only other thing I didn't like was feeling like a tourist whenever I got Tammy's camera out. (Oh yeah, another thing I didn't like was the fact that I'd forgotten my camera - we needed it most to take pictures of buildings and stuff for our next Art project) It was so bloody busy though!! I kept walking in to people by accident, and everytime I said sorry, they looked at me like I'd just smothered them in dog shit or something... I mean, christ!!! If someone bumped in to me, I'd say 'it's okay' in a nice polite manner. I wouldn't fucking stand there and give them bloody bitch eyes!! Wankers.
However, I did feel like I was going to collapse/die when I actually got home. I didn't realise how bad my feet actually were, but when I took my shoes off, one of them was half soaked in blood... My heels had been bleeding because I hadn't worn those shoes for no longer than 2 hours. And even when I had worn them, I spent most of that time sitting down.

I just realised how much I ramble on. I'm so hungry!! I may just have to go grab something to eat... But I don't know. I'm quite pissed off with myself right now. I had a pack of 10 fags bought for me today by mum and dad, and they're all gone... Shit. They're meant to bloody last me the whole weekend!!! Fuck. Oh well... Atleast I won't be able to smoke as much this weekend.
My brother comes home from America today. I want to go to the airport, but at the same time I know that by the time I go to sleep, I won't be up in time.

I've got some coursework to do... And I need something to eat. So I guess I'll go eat and do some coursework. Plus, I want some wine now aswell. I didn't even finish the whole bottle earlier. I guess I could go drink the rest of it now. I'M SO BLOODY HAPPY!! Thank fuck. It's about time I was!

I had my lip done on Friday. It didn't hurt. Except for the part where the woman found it hard to push the needle through. It was only a short scratch though. I was quite surprised. I was expecting more pain, especially because they didn't numb it. I had an amazing rush after it though... That sort of rush where once you've had one done, you want more and more and more. But I only got my lip done. The woman that did it was lovely. She was really cool aswell and had amazing hair and tattoo's. It was cool. My mum doesn't like it, although she isn't bothered that I've got it done, she just keeps asking me why I got it done haha. I have to wash my mouth out every time I smoke, drink or eat which is getting quite tiring. Especially when you're at a party and you have no glass so you can't wash your mouth out... I had that problem on Friday night when I went to April and Holly's Halloween party. It was quite annoying because even though I didn't eat or drink anything, I smoked a hell of a lot. However, I made sure I washed my mouth out enough when I got home. Everyone kept knocking the ring everytime they hugged me because they were drunk and they had no idea what they were doing. My lip ended up being fatter than what it was when I had it done. But it was okay. It's still sore now and it's starting to crust a bit but I've been advised not to pick any scabs or anything because it could cause an infection and I want to avoid that as much as possible. I keep forgetting I've got it pierced. Especially when I'm getting dressed. I think the most annoying things about having it done is not being able to eat, drink, brush my teeth or get dressed properly. I can't fit a spoon in my mouth/a large piece of food, I have to place my glass/cup at the side of my mouth to drink [unless I use a straw] and even when I do I end up having half of the drink down my top/chest, I have to hold down my bottom lip to brush my front teeth and I have to take even longer to plan how I'm going to put my top on. However, I am really glad I had it done. I've wanted it to be done for ages now and I've finally had it done. Yay!

I've still got another week off of school which isn't exactly the best thing in the world because I'd rather much be at school learning than sitting at home doing nothing basically. I have school work to get done before I go back but I haven't got round to doing any of it yet... I guess I can get it done this week. Everyone else will be at school so I'll have no excuse not to do it. Except for the fact that I can never seem to find the motivation to do anything other than laying in bed watching movies and slowly falling asleep.

I'm completely shitting myself over both of my Art subjects. I have a crit. for Graphics to do on the first Wednesday I go back. We have to stand up at the front of the entire class and explain our idea's, brainstorm and what not's but I don't think I can do it. I don't understand what I'm doing and I'm just taking it as it all comes along. I'm going to try and explain that I can't physically or mentally do it. I wouldn't mind too much if it was just talking about the idea to the teacher... Maybe I should just suggest that. Possibly. I'll have to think about it.
For my Fine Art lesson I have to have a complete final idea and I have to prepare myself to do that idea for the final idea. Oh god. I have one/two idea's but I'm not too keen on them. Plus, I can't seem to draw the idea's out as I see them in my mind. It's so annoying.
I have to produce a window display piece for Textiles based around Halloween. I don't particularly want to do this either, but I know I have to. Sadly enough. God.

Mrrrm... I hate it.

I haven't been to school since Monday. I've got flu. Possibly the worst time to have flu. Argh.
At first, I thought it was just a bug thing that had been going around. You know that kind of bug... The one where you're sick for about three days and after that you feel fine?... Yeah, well it's not that.
I've had it for about a week and a half now. It first started off with a slight cough, then progressed in a chesty cough, throbbing headaches, sickness, temperatures and all sorts. I thought I had a chest infection a couple of days back because I had this sharp stabbing pain in between my shoulder blades every time I breahted, but it isn't. Atleast, I don't think it is.
So yeah. I've had three days off of school and it's starting to get to me. I was going to go in today, but I couldn't bring myself to actually get out of bed. I've spent most of the day laying in bed watching Sex And The City and drinking countless mugs of hot chocolate.

I'm still confused with Damian. We got talking last night and he told me he'd slept with someone else but he doesn't feel guilty about it - (He's in a relationship). I didn't know what to say but he was saying that he was going to be single by the end of this week, no matter what. Except for the fact that he doesn't have the balls to break up with his girlfriend, apparently. He said that he didn't love his girlfriend any more and I kind of felt myself feeling like I had a chance... Yeah... Complete and utter bitch, I know.
He said he wanted to be with me but because of the distance issues and the fact that he wouldn't be able to see me much would suck alot... And yeah, it would. God. I just don't know anymore. I like him, I really do. But it's just... Yeah. I give up.
He's going to probably get into a relationship with that girl he slept with anywho, so why should I bother to keep my hopes up?... Yeah, I shouldn't keep my hopes up. I should just forget about it and just move on. It'd probably be the best thing for me.

I miss someone. But I don't know who it is that I miss. I really miss them though. I want them to run up to me and hug me. I want them to tell me everything's going to be alright and I'm going to have the time of my life. I want them to tell me that all of my hopes and dreams are going to come true and I'm going to live a happy life.

Oh, I don't know.
I GIVE UP!